For several years, I moved through the city via transit. At that time, I found myself much more in touch with the city as a whole, with its feeling and movement and changes. I used to glance curiously at people on the street as I walked or drove by, or subtle observe others on the bus when they weren't paying attention. Slowly, I think I have gotten into the habit of retreating into my own mind when traveling through this city. I no longer feel a curiosity when it comes to this city and its people; maybe I've become jaded.
I think that in terms of movement, I very much go with the flow of this city. I follow major thoroughfares, I never take detours, and I never explore. I always wish I had that desire to go looking around this city, just to want to wander. Many of our classmates have talked about taking a leisurely drive or bike ride or walk; I don't know that I ever truly do these things, at least not on my own. I do things with purpose; if I'm going for a walk, I'm walking my dog. If I am going for a bike ride, it is for exercise, and if I am driving, it is to get somewhere to do something. Of course, in theory I should be able to multitask, to absorb this city while doing these activities, but somehow I never seem to. I envy those of you who have the gift of not being tightly wound.
When I am in nature, I find myself changed. I have a desire to explore, to test boundaries, and to have new experiences. I spent my childhood on an acreage, where I had minimal supervision most of the time, so running around in the woods feels natural to me. When I moved to the city, I'm not sure if I ever learned to be comfortable and curious in the same way. I think that is why I love the river valley so much; when I'm there, I lose some of the sense of constraint that I feel in the rest of the city. A few weeks ago in my Asian Canadian Lit course, there was a phrase describing a city street as "brown earth screaming beneath its concrete shell" (sorry, I don't mean to plagiarize, but I can't find what book it was in!). That is often how I feel about this city. The rare time I slip out of my absorption in daily life, I like to imagine what the ground this city stands upon looked like before we were here. It must have been beautiful.
Your last paragraph reminds me of my own thoughts at times, actually. I'm definitely a city dweller, but there's something so appealing about the wildness of nature, too. I'll often try to picture places as they would have been before urbanization. I believe Groat Road was built along the bed of a creek? When I'm driving along, I try to picture the water still flowing rather than the flow of traffic. If you focus on the trees and bushes on either "bank" of the road, it's actually fairly easy to fathom that it was once a peaceful place!
ReplyDelete